Best Taken With A Pinch Of Sulpher

FDCMuck transcript #14


[FDCMuck image]


Falcone has arrived.
Falcone says, "Hello Nosedive."
Nosedive exclaims, "Heya!"

play
You don't have a quarter. Maybe Thrash will lend you one? You glance at him. Thrash says, "Nuh-uh! No way, dude! No tengo dinero." There must be a quarter around here somewhere...

Falcone exclaims, "Hey, it says Nosedive's QUARTERS! :)"
Nosedive says, "Haha. ;P"
Falcone picks up Thrash. Hmmm...maybe we should leave those two alone!
Nosedive grins. "I won't comment, I won't comment...."
Falcone chuckles. "Well, are you going to be occupied with that for a bit? I have to find my book. And can you solve puzzles very well?
Nosedive lags..
Falcone says, "Sorry..."
Nosedive can solve puzzles very well. :)
Nosedive says, "Usually..."
Falcone asks, "Do you feel like checking out some of Chernabog's more gruesome places? They're great, but get hard quickly."
Nosedive grins. "Sure."
Falcone asks, "Okay, remember the sewer? Shall we go?"
Nosedive nodnods.
Falcone says, "Okay, we can 'j 237' to get to the Main Street, or you can jump to me."
Falcone has left.

j 237
Main Street(#237RLJA)
:::snip desc:::

Nosedive HATES lag.

look manhole
This manhole cover appears to be slightly askew. Being the good FDCMuck citizen that you are, you feel the need to put in back in 'place' before a horse stumbles on it.

place
As you are replacing the manhole cover, you fail to notice the horsedrawn trolley behind you. The horse accidently knocks you into the manhole and you fall a great distance before landing with a SPLOOSH in...
The Netherworld - Under Main St.
This dank passageway appears to have been dug below the lively Main Street above. The ceiling appears to be almost one hundred feet up and the only light in here streams from the holes in the manhole covers above. The floor of this warehouse-like room is covered in a foot of stagnant water and the smell of acrid chemicals fill the air. Rats scurry about on the narrow walkway next to the toxic river as strange creatures are seen slithering below the water's surface.

Falcone plummets through a manhole above and lands in front of you with a SPLOOOOSH!
Falcone has arrived.
Nosedive grins, "Ah."
Falcone says, "Okay. Sorry, I was checking myself out."
Nosedive asks, "Now where?"
Falcone says, "Go NH"
Falcone has left.

nh
The Netherworld - Under Info Super Highway
You begin to perspire the second you walk into this room of evil. The walls, if you choose to call them that, are pure fire. When you look through the flames you see demons and all kinds of un-godly beings floating in the air. You can feel the skin on your face begin to burn from the intense heat. The room is about 30 feet, from flame to flame, across and is very long. There is a constant rumble from above the room that is giving you a major headache.
You hear a loud horns being blown from above every now and then as well. There are ladders set up every 20 feet or so leading up to manhole covers. You hurry down the hallway to escape the intense heat. Will this room EVER end??

Nosedive exclaims, "WHOA!"
Falcone says, "Okay, since we're in a hurry, unless you want to look around first, go NW"
Falcone exclaims, "This is a bizarre place, and it gets stranger!"

You decide to crawl through a tunnel on the far side of the room. You see..........
The Netherworld - Under The Walk Around The Universe
The sounds of dripping water echo loudly in this immense room. You imagine the ceiling to be at least 100 feet (33 m.) up, but can not see it due to the darkness. A large lake of ooze stands before you with a circular walkway extending around it circumferentially. The narrow walk is only dimly lit by torches mounted on the walls so you had best watch your step.

Falcone crawls in from the narrow tunnel and brushes the dirt off of his body.
Falcone has arrived.
Falcone picks up some of the mountain climbing equipment.
Nosedive says, "Now this place is NOT gonna feature on the cover of Better Homes..."
Falcone says, "Okay, get the equipment and follow me"
Falcone says, "Definitely... "
Falcone says, "Go 'climbing'"
Falcone exits through what appears to be a secret passage in the wall of this room.

Falcone has left.

climbing
You enter the secret passageway and climb out a crevice on the side of a
mountain.You proceed up the mountain and into the smoke on...
Bald Mountain
You hear "Night On Bald Mountain" in the gusting winds as you survey this rocky mountain top. Before you stands the great demon Chernabog orchestrating flying spectres and shrieking ghosts in a macabre dance. The demon is perched at the peak of the mountain conjuring towering sheets of yellow-green fire. The smoke from these hellish flames is thick and prevents you from finding the trail you took up the mountain. You will have to find another way out of here!

Nosedive says, "Ah. Hm."
Falcone says, "Okay, now there's a haunted mansion there, thats our destination, I went in the front door... sort of..."
Nosedive looks around. "Niiiice decor.."

look mansion
East of Chernabog's demonic rave stands a dilapidated old mansion. As you are looking up at it, a light appears in the top-most window of the tower of the old house. Do you decide to investigate? You may never return!
You see the front door of the mansion before you and the entrance to a storm cellar on the north side of the house. You can see the cornerstone of the mansion which reads: "June 1995". It sure looks older than that!

Falcone says, "Yes, late late Apocalypse by the look of it... I think we should go in the same way, I think the library needs two or more heads."
Falcone says, "Go F"
Falcone was here just a second ago, but as you turn around he is gone. Perhaps he went into the mansion.
Falcone has left.

f
You climb the porch steps of the mansion and reach for the handle of the front
door when suddenly a trap door opens in the floor dropping you into the...

Anatomy Lab
This is not at all what you expected to see in what you assume is the basement of the old mansion. Before you stand two rows of cadavers on individual dissecting tables. On the countertop along the left and right walls you view a variety of medical textbooks and dissecting equipment. The flourescent lights overhead flicker on and off eerily and the smell of Formylin preservative is overpowering.
As you look around you realize this chamber has no windows and no doors. You know what chilling challenge that leaves you with...(and hanging yourself is not an option! ;) )

Falcone asks, "Does this meet with your late night horror movie approval???"
Nosedive glances around. "Yup."
Falcone gags. "I thot as much. I'll start dissecting. The last thing you dissect is the WRIST."
Falcone groans, "Believe it or not, its how you get out... lovely..."

look dissecting
A row of dissecting tables extend before you on your left and right. To pass the time while thinking of a way out of here, you could 'try' your hand at a little dissecting. Or perhaps you would like to look at the textbooks first for some instructions on how to begin.

try
You pick up a scalpel, a probe and some fine tweezers and begin dissecting the shoulder of the cadaver in front of you. After a few moments, you succeed in exposing the nerves of the brachial plexus. At this point you can quit and look for an escape or you can 'proceed' with your dissection.

proceed
You work your way down the arm exposing and identifying the important muscles, nerves and blood vessels. You work easlily and begin to question all those things you have heard Chernabog say about how hard medical school is. You can quit now unless there is something else you would like to dissect?

Falcone exclaims, "Well, do start! ;)"
Falcone begins dissecting the cadaver in front of him.
Falcone says, "I'll watch to see this..."

look textbooks
On the counter next to the dissecting table you select is a stack of medical textbooks. The monographs you may peruse include 'Grant's' Dissector, 'Netter's' Atlas of Human Anatomy and Clinical Anatomy Made Ridiculously 'Simple'.

simple
You glance at the simplified drawings in this paperback book and gain a sense of what is important in this dissection business. Now if you were to quickly flip through 'Grant's', you could begin. As you are looking through this book you see a post-it 'note' stuck in here.

note
Scribbled on this yellow square of paper are the words: "don't forget to dissect wrist". You make a mental note of that and are now ready to take a look at 'Grant's'.

dissect wrist
You begin dissecting the cadaver's wrist when suddenly the cadaver sits up and puts it's arm around you! It whispers in your ear: "Chernabog is a spawn of Hell, Of this there is no doubt; But tell me from what film he is from, And I'll show you the way out!"

Nosedive exclaims, "AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Nosedive leaps backward and crashes into Falcone, sending them both flying back onto the floor.
Falcone exclaims, "Good grief!"
Nosedive sits up. "Ow."
Falcone asks, "What?! Didn't you know the answer???"

fantasia
The talking cadaver jumps to the floor and throws you onto the dissecting table, knocking you unconscious. When you come to, you find yourself on the floor of a...

Library
Books. They surround you on the 13ft-tall floor-to-ceiling bookcases that completely occupy each of the four walls of this rectangular room. An alabaster chandelier hangs from the ceiling in the center of the room bathing the library in a dim orange light. The floor is covered with a large area rug depicting hippos in tu-tus, dancing mushrooms and a scene that looks strangely similar to what you witnessed outside on the mountain.
A desk is located near the north wall and a straight-back chair stands against the south wall.

look north
On this shorter of the two pairs of walls stands a massive bookcase with thousands of works. Some titles that grab your attention include: 'How' To Get Out Of Exitless Rooms 'Sandman' #4

how
You flip through the dusty tome only to discover that all the pages are blank. You didn't really think Chernabog would make it that easy, did you?

sandman
You read through this DC comic book and quickly discover why this would be one of Chernabog's favorites. In this issue, Dream descends into Chernie's home: Hell!

look east
On this longer of the two pairs of walls stands a massive bookcase with thousands of works. Some titles that grab your attention include:
'Biochemistry' for the National Boards

On the third shelf of this bookcase you see a 'CD' player.

Falcone lands on the floor behind you with a thump. Too bad you were not looking to see how he got in here.
Falcone has arrived.

cd
This Deadwood 5-disc CD player is on and loaded with 5 CD singles. The unit is set on RANDOM so go ahead and start it up if you want to 'listen' to something.

listen
You hit play and "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths is heard in the room.

look south
On this shorter of the two pairs of walls stands a massive bookcase with thousands of works. Some titles that look interesting include:
A Demon's 'Cookbook'
Chernabog's 'Busy' Day (a pop-up book)

cookbook
You remove this book from the shelf and discover that it is subtitled "101 Ways To Serve Kitten". You start to feel a little queasy so you put the book back. :/ Now you really want to find a way out of here and soon! Meanwhile, somewhere in the distance you hear Marie sharpening her claws.

Falcone gets up rubbing his head... "I HATE THAT..."
Nosedive didn't mind it too much... kinda fun...
Falcone says, "Not the song, the mode of transportation... damn..."
Nosedive laughs!
Falcone gives you a dirty look.

busy
You open the book to the first page and a picture of Chernabog armed with his trusty HellRaiser 300 water cannon pops up. For a paper cut-out, it looks surprisingly real and you wonder what will happen when you pull the tab. If you want to, you can first point the book at someone, something or everbody in the room ('point '). If you want to avoid any possible trouble, you can skip this and go on to 'page 2'.

point falcone
Nosedive pulls the tab on the pop-up book and the paper Chernabog fires the paper HellRaiser 300 hitting Falcone with a stream of real water!

You exclaim, "Whoa! COOL!"

page 2
You turn to a second page in the pop-up book and...oh my...you have never seen *that* pop-up in one of these books before! You quickly put the book down and try to hide your embarassment.

Falcone glares at you icily. "THANK you...
Nosedive flushes. "Um..."
Falcone asks, "Don't care for the anatomically correct ones, huh? Thats okay, neither do I..."

look chair
This ornate wooden chair stands against the south wall of the room. The long narrow slats on its back and the overall appearance suggest a Frank Lloyd Wright design. A red velvet pillow rests unattached and slightly off-center on the seat of the chair. A cord is strung between the two arms to which a sign is attached which reads: DO NOT SIT.

sit
Since you are already trapped in this room, you figure how much more trouble could you get into by sitting in this chair. As you reach for the cord to remove it, you are zapped with electricity! After that hair-raising experience, you are shocked at how much trouble still currently awaits in this room!

Nosedive sizzles. "That was very unfair."
Falcone asks, "What did the chair do? Shock you?"
Nosedive nods.

look desk
This large oak desk sits facing the north wall. A green bankers lamp illuminates the desktop where you see several sheets of blank art paper and a few cylindrical objects shaped like a certain ursine character stamped with the words:
POOH BEAR ARTMAKER
You look closer and discover they are high-tech paintbrushes with a camel hair brush at one end and several cartridges at the other end containing paints of many different hues. In the middle of the device is a switch you can 'click' on if you would like to try this thing.

Falcone says, "Hm... it didn't for me, but I did more first."

click
As you click the switch, the device apparently malfunctions as it empties all of its cartridges at once onto the paper creating a sea of reds, blues and yellows. Now you'll have to paint with ALL the colors of the *Win*!

Falcone asks, "What did you read that made you want to hurl?"
Nosedive blinks. He has NO idea.
Falcone says, "Hmm... it must have been near the CD player."

look west
On this larger of the two pairs of walls stands a massive bookcase with thousands of works. Some titles that catch your eye include:
How To 'Conjure' Fire Like A Demon
1964 Cleveland 'Browns'

As you look closer at the bookcase, you notice a 'space' on one of the shelves.

conjure
You carefully turn the yellowed pages of this ancient book and read a section on how to conjure a simple ring of fire. Apparently all it takes is some concentration and the magic word: 'Eisner'

eisner
You say the magic word and conjure a ring of fire shaped like Pocahontas (va-va-va-voom!).

Nosedive blinks.
Falcone chuckles.

space
You move toward the bookcase and notice that a small book is missing from one of the shelves. You wonder if this text could hold the secret to your getting out of here. You then wonder if a certain demon might have hidden it in this very room to give you a chance of escaping. And if that were the case, where would he have hidden such a small book? Under something, perhaps?

browns
This book is filled with pictures and stories of the last time the Cleveland Browns won a national championship. Too bad it will at least be 1999 before they even have a chance to do that again. In the meantime, Chernabog has reserved a special place in Hell for Art Modell for moving the team to Baltimore. As you look through the book, a business 'card' falls out onto the floor.

card
You pick up the card and read: "To find the cure for what ails you, just pull up a chair at Rob's Cafe American in the Food Court. It's just what the doctor ordered!"

Nosedive sighs and kicks the west bookcase.

listen
You press play on the CD player and you hear the "Bruces" sketch by Monty Python and have an uncontrolable urge to go around the room saying "'ello Bruce!"

Falcone chuckles.
Nosedive exclaims, "'ello Bruce!"
Nosedive laughs.
Falcone rolls his eyes. "Are you getting any ideas yet? There are some Pocahontas puns, but I'm not sure what they all are."
Nosedive shakes his head.
Nosedive says, "Nope. I am STUMPED."
Falcone lifts up the red pillow on the chair and discovers something.

look chair
This ornate wooden chair stands against the south wall of the room. The long narrow slats on its back and the overall appearance suggest a Frank Lloyd Wright design. A red velvet pillow rests unattached and slightly off-center on the seat of the chair. A cord is strung between the two arms to which a sign is attached which reads: DO NOT SIT.

take pillow
You lift the red velvet pillow and find a small black leather book. Would you like to examine your 'discovery'?

discovery
You pick up the black leather book and read the title: "The Black Art." You flip through the musty, whithered pages and come across a section called "How To Escape When Caged By A Demon." How convienient. You read on to discover that you must sing to break the demon's spell. What song would this hellspawn beast find to be so revolting that it would break his evil spell and drive him away from here?

Falcone says, "Look at this, or that, anyway..."
Falcone attempts to sit in the chair and sparks fly everywhere!
Nosedive starts singing "It's a small world after all.." ;)
Falcone laughs! "I thought of 'When You Wish Upon a Star' myself..."
Falcone asks, "Did you read the books in all four walls?"
Nosedive nods.
Falcone asks, "Did you mess with the desk yet?"
Nosedive tried.
Falcone asks, "Hmm... did the paint brushes loose all their paint?"
Nosedive nodnods! "ALL OVER THE PLACE!!"
Falcone says, "Good grief... I don't think they did that to me..."
Nosedive has gotta go.. maybe we can continue this later??
Falcone says, "Well, all right, see if you can get some help, there's an answer to this darn thing."
Nosedive exclaims, "Ok... bye!"

LATER

Darkwing has arrived.
Darkwing hmms.
Nosedive smiles weakly. "Hi. Do you know Chernabog's most hated piece of music?"

discovery
You pick up the black leather book and read the title: "The Black Art." You flip through the musty, whithered pages and come across a section called "How To Escape When Caged By A Demon." How convienient. You read on to discover that you must sing to break the demon's spell. What song would this hellspawn beast find to be so revolting that it would break his evil spell and drive him away from here?

Darkwing nods. "Have you seen _Fantasia_?"
Nosedive says, "Yes. Have it on video. *pauses*"

ave maria
You begin to sing the holy hymn and a section of the South bookcase you are standing next to spins around knocking you into...

Chernabog's Challenge Completion Center
This small low-ceilinged room appears to have been carved out of a cave. On the extreme north side of this chamber, a river courses through the room along the cave wall. A small, open wooden boat is docked here with a ferryman standing in it.
It is difficult to tell that the rest of the room is part of a cave as it has fully constructed walls and a plaster ceiling. The chamber is busily decorated with masks, trophies and works of art from many ancient cultures. A myriad of different couches line the three furnished walls of this room creating a cosy alcove. A long coffee table sits between the couches with several ice-filled canisters on it. A large gold plaque labeled "Chernabog's Challenge Hall Of Fame" hangs on the wall in front of you.

page Darkwing=Doh! That was sooo easy! Thanks, D-Dub! :)
Message sent to Darkwing.
*Darkwing sez: There you go. :)

look hall of fame
Let it be known that these people have 'solved' (or cheated and pretended to have solved) Chernabog's Challenge v 1.0:
----------------------------

Marie Ed Mufasa Toby
Rhoda Rolly Piglet Sebastian
Tweedledum ChefLouis Ariel Tramp
Penny Fleebo Darkwing Figaro
Plushy Shock Max Godmother
Katrina SlinkyDog Mushu Phillip
Cubbi Lucifer Sassy Beaker
HopLow Gonzo Morgana Nosedive

Nosedive exclaims, "WHOOHOOOOOOO!!!! NOSEDIVE IS TRIUMPHANT! With a little help from DW of course..."

w
You climb into the boat and Charon takes you down this river beneath the Muck.
...
THE END - aren't you glad?

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More Muck adventures to be seen from the FDC Page! Geez, this stuff is almost as much fun as a well-written fanfic! And a hell of a lot weirder!!


Nylessa Drakely
gwemlyn@geocities.com

Copyright © 1998 Nylessa Drakely
Uploaded on Sunday, 22nd November, 1998